don't want to go there

. . . but I am summoned by current calls from hell.

April 2, 2006 (as it is written in my journal)

Don't want to go there

Already been there

Please don't take me

       Again

I'm dying to know though

I'm living to show it

But I can't handle the

       Pain

Is there a way to know

without the pain

without the shame

without the fear

that paralyzes 

      My soul?

Thirsting for knowledge

Running from the truth

Angry at numbness

But can't take how I 

       Feel

When I get so close

I lose my grip

When I'm far away

      Life 

           is a trip 

on a fantasy wheel, 

never stopping to be

      Real

And when it starts to 

show me what I need

I refuse 

to open the door and 

      Know