Sleeping Awake

what PTSD sometimes feels like

17.02.07 

Strange stillness
I can't tell if my heart
Beats fast or stops
What time it is
What is time
An alarm rings
Over and over
Then snoozes
The wind is tired
From howling
Moans a low
Almost whisper
Almost a chorus
Harmonizing
Agony, almost a
Whisper slowly
Dying or being
Absorbed into --
What is this?
Strange silence
Alarm still not
Waking or
receiving the
Alert to join
The frantic calm
That i have known
In other times
of Purposeful
Ability to be
Still as stone
But also ready
to pounce into
What? I listen
for that alarm
Remain Paralyzed
Until it screams
its demands
To wake
and pretend the night
does not exist